I begin this post with a huge lump in my throat (a little more than 36 hours after I got some distressing news my mind has finally began to process it) and although I post this on the 1st of April, let me make one thing clear from the get go – this is in no way an April Fool’s joke.
It seems like just the other day, but 6 months ago my family and I lost my aunt. Just over a week earlier my cousin’s twins were born. I guess the universe has a strange way of keeping the balance. To make space for new arrivals, others must leave this world.
To some, six months might feel like an eternity – to others, it’s barely a drop in the ocean. When my aunt passed away I mentioned how difficult and unfair it must be as a parent, to out-live your children – but when we’ve lived a full life, it seems slightly less unfair. You had a good life, you saw your own children and grand-children grow up, your time came and those that are left behind have to deal with the loss.
But, how do you deal with this as a parent losing a child, of just over six months?
One of my cousin’s twin sons passed away suddenly in his sleep yesterday morning. As a parent (and even before becoming a parent) I’ve known known about SIDS and how today it remains unexplained. But you never, in your wildest dreams, think it could happen to someone you know, let alone yourself.
I cannot begin to imagine what my cousin, her husband and children must be going through right now. How does one process what has happened? How do you explain it? Whom do you blame? Something inexplicably wrong has happened, someone or something is to blame? You want answers, I know for sure I’d be questioning everything and everyone if, God-forbid, something like this had to happen to me. All I know for sure, is that it’s not fair – life just isn’t fair.
Since my cousin and her children live in New Zealand I’ve never seen their children in person, other than photos on Facebook and keeping in touch electronically. Regrettably, I never got to know my little namesake, but we shared an invisible bond of a family name and a blood-line. I know he will be missed by many, but especially so by his parents and siblings.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you dear cousin. May you all somehow find the strength to get through this. I’m not sure I could, you’re all much stronger than I am.